I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
