May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
