he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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