then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
