meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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