I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
