and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I didn't notice because vodka
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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