Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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