Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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