There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
