My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
