it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
