I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize