Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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