Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
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When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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