I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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