You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
