I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
