why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
worst night to have a conscience
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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