Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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