Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
