Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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