It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
