You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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