Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
