we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
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He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
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Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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