it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
