do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
