I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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