You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
