____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
