dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
