I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Randomize
