i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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