You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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