Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
