I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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