I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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