Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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