Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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