Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Your penis caused this!
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
