I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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