you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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