grandma shit on top of the toilet
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
