I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
