Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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