Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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