I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
