Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so let's talk penis.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Your penis caused this!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
