is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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