Do you still have your period?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
