remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
