Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
