my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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