the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
