Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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