did you get engaged???
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
