yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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