im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
