dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
