i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
