I got chris browned last night
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
