Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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