you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he thought i was a dude.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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