i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
