Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize