Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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